“Lab coat-Dolce. Clipboard- Prada. Vera Wang short shorts, nametag- Doctor!”. Need I say more? Fashion darling Rachel Bilson spits serious rhymes in this hilarious rap video for Funny or Die.
“Jealous tricks- suck a tit, get a pap smear with an oven mitt- BITCH!”. Who knew little Summer Roberts had it in her? I’m in love.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d31d8fc05d/call-me-doctor-with-rachel-bilson?rel=player
After weeks of holiday indulgence, stepping into the change room to shop for a vacation bikini feels like a criminal investigation, and the spotlight -fluorescent, blinding and oh-so unflattering- is on you, baby. Rum n’ eggnog? Guilty! Shortbread cookies? Guilty! Stuffing? Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! Top that off with blindly white skin and skipped workouts and you got a recipe to turn any self-respecting woman into a desperate feign.
Advice? Read and repeat: “Don’t like? DON’T LOOK!.” There’s always going to be someone who shamelessly bares all during a rousing game of beach volleyball- let her take the spotlight! It’s not considered bad karma. A girl must muster as much confidence as possible when completely pantless. Know this, and tread lightly with the following tips:
Faux Glow: Tanning beds are so passe. Over time, tanning breaks down the elasticity of your skin, creating a host of additional problems (cellulite, broken capillaries, age spots). If you simply can’t stand the thought of hitting the beach without a glow, go faux with a spray tan.
Apply SPF: As tempting as it is to escape the winter doldrums with gusto, hitting the beach on Day 1 slicked with Hawaiian Tropic Oil is not wise- unless you like your Canadian bacon extra crispy, swathed in layers of gauze.
Pedi those Piggies: Nobody wants to see your narst, scraggly yellow toe nails. Hit the salon for a $20 pedicure, and please, for the love of God, no toenails should extend over the skin. Painted or not, long toenails are straight up disgusting.
Indulge and Enjoy: Hit the beach bar and buffet with reckless abandon- you’re here for a good time, not a long time! Woooooooooooooooo!!
“Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain…you like your girls insane.”
I cannot get this song and memorizing video by Lana Del Rey out of my head. Her cascading strawberry blonde locks and Snow Queen vibe are completely hypnotizing.
I don’t know about you, but every January I get the urge to drastically change my look. Last January I found myself in the salon chair with a 10 inch ponytail in my lap. After a complete meltdown in the salon washroom (stub ponytail, reminiscent of a 12 year old boy with a hat on, completely exposed neck…) I grew to like my bob. This year I’ll leave the length, but possibly play with fire to achieve Lana’s strawberry blonde hue.
What about you? In the spirit of starting anew for the New Year, do you have the urge to shake up your look? Who’s inspiring you for 2012? Let me know!
It’s that time of year again when one starts to evaluate their life, and take stock of accomplishments and shortcomings from the past year. Twilight blogging has got the wheels turning, and boy, am I waxing philosophical here on FatFreeFashion. In the words of a local bum who has ever-so-kindly reminded me twice this year alone, “Descartes, MOVE YOUR FAT ASS!”. Happy 2012 Lovers and Friends!
1. Take stock of your relationships. Realize that no matter how much you give, it will never be recognized or good enough for certain people. That’s ok! Not everyone has to like you. Life can be harsh, this much is true. But there are plenty of humans out there to discover. Go find them! Be bold and make the first move, as most people aren’t. Above all, be yourself at all times. I wear one hat, and it suits me perfectly for every occasion.
2. Enjoy life as it comes, as it only comes around once.
3. Find a funny friend and never let go. Priceless.
4. Diets don’t work. The math is simple. Shovel shit into your body= expect to look like shit. Own it. It you can’t accept it, change it. Simple and plain.
5. Dream big and write it down. List mini-goals to achieve the big picture. Strive to complete one task each day. Stroke it off the list. Pat yourself on the back, then add another task to the bottom of that list. Life is a journey. It’s ok to idle for 5 minutes, but don’t run out of gas parked in one place. Gotta keep it moving, on to the next one!
Happy New Year! xo FFF
I’ve been loving this cover for a couple months now and thought to share it with you. I dare say British singer Alex Clare rivals Miss Etta James for the win. Hauntingly beautiful with soul to spare. Shivers.
Alex Clare, Damn Your Eyes
Artwork used for Madonna’s new fragrance Truth or Dare was released this week and if it looks oddly familiar, it’s because it is. The shot isn’t new- it was taken back in 2010 for an editorial for Interview Magazine.
Truth? The photo could have been taken back in 1989, given the heavy-handed use of Photoshop. Dare? I dare the photographer to deliver the un-retouched image of this shot before any line or pucker was effectively erased from Madge’s face.
Even though my side-eye in fully narrowed, it’s nearly impossible to throw shade on the old gal- she looks absolutely amazing. I don’t know who’s virgin blood she’s been sipping lately, (oh wait…) but Madge’s return back to her best look Erotica look certainly smells like money.
It appears Her Majesty is set for world domination for 2012. In addition to the fragrance, her trademarked expression ”Truth or Dare” is poised to become a lifestyle branding vehicle, with apparel and footwear to join the mix in upcoming months. If the fragrance bottle is any indication of the direction the brand will go, it appears likely that Madonna will rely heavily (or even outright copy) on the advice of her stylish famous friends. Doesn’t the Truth or Dare bottle look strikingly similar to Stella McCartney’s Stella fragrance? I cannot wait to see this brand develop in 2012.
Madonna- Truth of Dare
Madonna Truth or Dare Fragrance
Stella McCartney- Stella
Cuz they are completely awesome and I love them! Another StyleSense score, my new DNKY boots are the perfect addition to my winter wardrobe. Blue, suede and wait for it……waterproof! How can you go wrong?! Go now.
DKNY Blue Suede Boots
DKNY Blue
It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, except for Andrej….
Andrej Pejic
This past week, Dutch lingerie firm Hema defied tradition by selecting male model Andrej Pejic as the body for its new push-up bra campaign. That being said, Pejic is no ordinary man. Plucked, waxed, groomed and self-admittingly whittled down to miniscule proportions (25 inch waist, ladies), Pejic has taking the industry by storm this year, gender-bending for Jean Paul Gaultier’s Paris show and looking every inch the desirable woman- clothed. Key point. Clothed. While, nobody can deny Pejic has an unbeatable physique for the catwalk, modeling lingerie is an endeavour that even the most gorgeous man will likely come out on top.
Why? There’s nothing to see here folks! The man is fully clothed. There is absolutely no clevage in view- a sorry sight for a push-up bra campaign.
Who knows what’s going on under that dress. I’d say a whole lotta chicken cutlets and double-sided tape. That’s not to say that Pejic isn’t stunningly beautiful person. He is, portrayed as a man or a woman. However, flexin’ pecs in a bra (which isn’t even on view) is unlikely convince woman to buy the bra. Would Victoria’s Secret have the same success if Adriana was stretched out in the sand in her bathrobe? Highly unlikely. However, kudos to the Hema marketing team who created amazing brand awareness in a matter of weeks.
Alice & Olivia, Pony Hair Heels, $345
Brian Atwood Pumps, $348.53
Enzo Angiolini, $129
Ivanka Trump, Bulbli, $125
Kate Spade, Latrice, $298
Topshop, Velvet Platforms
Tory Burch Cicely Satin Pump, $350
Carvela Altitude Platform, $243.75
River Island, $159.38
Sam Edelman, $337.50
Zara, $89.00
Zara, $99.90
Forever 21, $31.80
Alexander Wang, Leather Aida Heels, $555
Sam Edelman
Get on the only List that matters this season- The Best Dressed List- with these rockin holiday frocks.
Asos Cross-Front Halter Dress
This marvelous magenta dress hits all the right style notes: sexy cut out, defined waistline, tulip skirt and with the cross-front halter. Skip the necklace and splurge on a shimmery pair of chandelier earrings to complete the look.
Asos, Cross-Front Halter
Asos Sequin Dress
If a cupcake could be sophisticated, it would be personified in this chic noir number.
Asos Sequin Dress, $219
BB Dakota Cut-Out Dress
If you’ve got it (you do), than flaunt it in this red-hot BB Dakota mini.
BB Dakota, $114
Tibi Python Shift Dress
Who says shifts can’t be sexy? Work the room (and the buffet table…waiter!!) in this Tibi printed frock.
Python Shift Dress, Tibi, $345
Rachel Zoe, $490
The Outnet Ruched Metallic Dress
Pink, sequined and sashed, how can you not have fun in this metallic mini?!
The Outnet, Ruched Metallic Dress, $220
Tibi, $420, Jacquard Racer Back
River Island Red Jaquard Belted Dress
Warehouse UK
BB Dakota, $110
Zara Lace Tulip, $119
Milly, Chantilly Lace
Mango, $109.90
Mango, Sequin Gown, $324.90
H&M Party Dress
If you’re sexy and you know it, clap your hands.
H&M, $29.95
