FAT FREE FASHION

After weeks of holiday indulgence, stepping into the change room to shop for a vacation bikini feels like a criminal investigation, and the spotlight -fluorescent, blinding and oh-so unflattering- is on you, baby. Rum n’ eggnog? Guilty! Shortbread cookies? Guilty! Stuffing? Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! Top that off with blindly white skin and skipped workouts and you got a recipe to turn any self-respecting woman into a desperate feign.
Advice? Read and repeat: “Don’t like? DON’T LOOK!.” There’s always going to be someone who shamelessly bares all during a rousing game of beach volleyball- let her take the spotlight! It’s not considered bad karma. A girl must muster as much confidence as possible when completely pantless. Know this, and tread lightly with the following tips:

Faux Glow: Tanning beds are so passe. Over time, tanning breaks down the elasticity of your skin, creating a host of additional problems (cellulite, broken capillaries, age spots). If you simply can’t stand the thought of hitting the beach without a glow, go faux with a spray tan.

Apply SPF: As tempting as it is to escape the winter doldrums with gusto, hitting the beach on Day 1 slicked with Hawaiian Tropic Oil is not wise- unless you like your Canadian bacon extra crispy, swathed in layers of gauze.

Pedi those Piggies: Nobody wants to see your narst, scraggly yellow toe nails. Hit the salon for a $20 pedicure, and please, for the love of God, no toenails should extend over the skin. Painted or not, long toenails are straight up disgusting.

Indulge and Enjoy: Hit the beach bar and buffet with reckless abandon- you’re here for a good time, not a long time! Woooooooooooooooo!!

“Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain…you like your girls insane.”

I cannot get this song and memorizing video by Lana Del Rey out of my head. Her cascading strawberry blonde locks and Snow Queen vibe are completely hypnotizing.
I don’t know about you, but every January I get the urge to drastically change my look. Last January I found myself in the salon chair with a 10 inch ponytail in my lap. After a complete meltdown in the salon washroom (stub ponytail, reminiscent of a 12 year old boy with a hat on, completely exposed neck…) I grew to like my bob. This year I’ll leave the length, but possibly play with fire to achieve Lana’s strawberry blonde hue.

What about you? In the spirit of starting anew for the New Year, do you have the urge to shake up your look? Who’s inspiring you for 2012? Let me know!

One: Select the best quality elastic. Goody Ouchless are great and come in all hair colours.

 Two: Cover that elastic up. Even if it’s the same shade as to your hair, the key to keeping it sophisticated is wrapping the elastic with a strand of your own hair.

Wild Ponies: Neigh!!!!!!

Emmanuelle Chriqui: Id be shrieking too with this bumpy pony. Neigh!

Christina Aguilera: Tight, height, and not right. Neigh!

Lea-Michele: Silky, smooth, perfection.

 

Blake Lively: Lose the roots and weve got a winner.

 

The Run-Away Ponies, Fall 2011: Slicked Back Ponytails

Marc Jacobs, Fall 2011

As summer approaches, the urge to lighten up my mane weighs heavily on my mind. As trivial as it may seem, the decision to colour my hair is something I take very seriously. I spend many hours mulling over the possible outcome. Highlights with bangs, highlights without bangs, lowlights, full colour…Sun In??!  These deep-rooted stresses over my tresses are not without merit. First, let’s paint an oh-so-brassy picture: 

 In an attempt to ditch my natural hue for a saucer shade, I booked an appointment for my first colour treatment.  Enter Misty, stylist extraordinaire, who marveled with delight at my “virgin hair!!” (no joke).  After a quick consultation: Gwen Stefani-White Blonde- No Doubt and a knowing nod from Misty, she started the process. Two hours later, Misty removed the towel to reveal her artistry. Unfortunately, it was instantly obvious that Misty was completely out of touch with pop culture references (with a name like Misty, how could I blame her?!) as Gwen-Stefani-white blonde-No Doubt had become Marlon Wayans-Brassy Blonde-White Chicks (minus the 5 oclock shadow).  I had effectively morphed from colour virgin to low-rent street-walker in mere hours. Pretty woman…walkin’ down the street….(the wig didn’t have roots).

Going au-naturel would be the sensible option, but since that’s no fun, I’ve taken the modern approach and pasted my face (thank you photoshop) on every shade and style deemed worthy of the big plunge. This got me thinking. Do you, lovers and friends (and strangers too!) spend excessive amounts of time stressing over your tresses?

The Dream

The smirk is justified. "I dare you to attempt my shade!"

The Reality

"Damn girl, we should have used a toner!"

Like many woman, I have a love-hate relationship with my hair. The up side? I’m no danger of premature balding. The downside? Brillo pads envy me. I’ve often marvelled when spotting a comb in friend’s bathrooms- seriously??!! Such punny plastic shrink at the sight of this mane. Taming my unruly tresses has become a daily routine:  a wash-and-go-(crazy) hairstyle is something this fuzz-head has only dreamt about: until now. The fashion gods have finally answered my prayers, as frizzy hair is big news for 2010. As seen on the Spring and Fall runways for Marc Jacobs, Tibi, Prada and countless others, frizzy hair officially made it’s wild return to the catwalk this year. Will you be ditching the serums, sprays and waxes for an au-natural look this Spring?