Category Archives: Celebrities

The Perfect Man: Mark Wahlberg Takes God’s Work Seriously

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Forget Ryan Gosling and all his everyday heroics saving peons from brushes with death.  After swooning over these adorable photos of Mark Wahlberg helping a NUN cross the road, I’ve pretty much declared him The Perfect Man. Look at the serious expression on that man’s face. “This nun WILL make it across the road, dammit, ain’t nobody gon stand in my way of God’s work.”

As if hearing a soft whisper from God himself, Mark took his sexiness to another level and werked it out in a cheeky pair of denim shorts, complete with a toss shoulder smirk. You cheeky devil.

Happy Monday Lovers & Friends!

THe Perfect Man

Werk It, Werk It

“A Woman’s Hairstyle Must Reflect Her Husband’s Wishes”: Michelle Duggar Drags Women Everywhere Back 100 Years in a Single Sentence.

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Michelle Duggar, human baby dispenser and firm believer of the saying “The Higher the Hair, the Closer to God“, is a lady who aims to please. On the season premiere of 19 Kids and Counting, Michelle speaks at a conference to share her tips on how to be a good Christian wife. Michelle’s wife bible, entitled “Seven Basic Needs Of A Husband” is distributed to the group, and is now posted online.

“A WOMAN’S HAIRSTYLE MUST REFLECT HER HUSBAND’S WISHES”

Unless that man wants to shell out for weekly dye jobs to achieve Gwen Stefani’s platinum perfection, that shit ain’t happening! Michelle, this is NOT the look! Jim Bob is tricking you, woman! He clearly keeping you low, as the only man who would look twice are either toothless, illiterate or inbred.

In addition to this subservient gold, Michelle dishes out other sound advice for the wife whose ultimate goal in life is to please her man’s every needs, 24-7.

Michelle Duggar

A WIFE SHOULD DRESS TO PLEASE HER HUSBAND.

I shudder at this one. Left to their own devices, most men would grab a handful of t-shirts at Mark’s Work Warehouse and be done with it. In Michelle’s case, I’m not sure why she bothers dressing at all. She’s basically been horizontal and bottomless for majority of her adult life, which makes Jim Bob’s fashion picks for her pretty easy anyway.

REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKES, HE ENJOYS SEEING OFTEN.

I enjoy seeing two round trip tickets to London, with an all-expenses-paid stay at The Savoy, and I enjoy seeing it often. Is that too much to ask, dear husband?!

ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO DEFINE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES. AFTER APPEALING, FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE BENEFITS, WHATEVER HAPPENS.

Even if you’re blindfolded. Even if you’re bound to the bed with handcuffs. Even if you are only uncuffed to prepare dinner and clean the toilets. Focus on the positives, ladies! In the wonderful, albeit brief, jaunt to the kitchen, there will plenty of time to stare desperately out the window and attempt to make eye contact with a passerby. See? There’s always an upside to slavery!

BUILD APPRECIATION FOR YOUR HUSBAND’S MOTIVES, EVEN IF HIS IDEAS ARE WRONG.

WIFE: ”Honey, I really don’t think it’s wise to blow through our entire life savings on a 5 day liquor and whore binge in Atlantic City”.

HUSBAND (a.k.a Pimp): Shut UP, bitch! Me husband-man. Me not dumb-dumb.

Now, I respect Michelle’s right to religious freedom. America is a free country and Michelle can please her Jim Bob anyway that she sees fit. However, as modern, self-sufficient woman, I can’t help but to frown at her subservient attitude. It’s clear she really believes this code of moral ethics. But really, to be frank, it’s not like she has a choice. 19 Kids and Counting, people! Stealing away in the dead of night in the family minivan isn’t really an option at this point.

Click below for Michelle’s 10 Commandments (Of Subservient Slavery)

http://www.southheightsbaptist.com/mp3/CliffPalmer/7BasicNeeds_Husband.pdf

 

A Red-Hot Ode to Gingers: Happy Valentines Day!

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On this day for lovers, I have a burning confession to make: I adore Ginger men!Unfortunately it’s become almost accepted to rag on Gingers, and they often become the butt (and crotch) of many a joke. But like a sober Lindsay Lohan, they’re a rarity in this world, and therefore should cherished for their exclusivity.

As a flame-haired friend likes to remind me (after ironically stating that she would never date a Ginger…ahem!) redheaded men are now being rejected as sperm donors at the world’s largest sperm bank, Cyros International. Gingers are on their way to extinction! It’s been reported that less than two percent of the world’s population have natural red hair. Add globalization to the equation, and the chances of two redheads finding love is drastically reduced.

In honour of their inevitable demise, I present thee my Top 3 Red-Hot Ginger Picks.  It should be said though, startlingly, after wracking my brain for a 4th addition to this list, I couldn’t seem to produce another famous, good-looking redheaded man! Does this mean Hollywood is subtly discriminating against them, or are they simple all holed-up in Scotland, waiting for their discovery as the hottest men on earth??!! Let’s discuss.

Pull the Alarm

Eddie Redmayne

Eddie

Eddie

Code Red

Paul Bettany

 

Fire! Fire! Fire! His Royal Hotness

Prince Harry

His Royal Hotness

 
 
 

Harry

Grammy 2012 Red Carpet Style: Demure vs. Peekaboo-Ho Dress

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Watching the Grammy 2012 red carpet, it was clear the ladies were split down the middle on fashion picks. Prominent styles included demure, long-sleeved, bejewelled dresses and it’s fun cousin, the Peekaboo-Ho Dress. Both dresses have a similar sheath cut, but the Peekaboo-Ho is straight to the point. This is the Grammys people, talk it cheap!

 Demure

Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood

 
Adele
 

Adele

 
Katy Perry
 
 
 
 
Peekaboo-Ho
 
Fergie
 
Seriously? Fergie tragically missed the mark with the lace peekaboo trend. The massive granny panties on display aren’t helping the situation either. Eeesh.
 
 

Fergie

 
Rihanna
 
The plunging chest, the thigh slit and the armband…expect a new Twitter follower in Doug Hutchinson tonight, RiRi.
 
 

Rihanna

 

Be Gone! Lita Platforms

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Be Gone! Litas

When Jenna Jameson hops on-board a trend, you know it is on its way out. Recently spotted looking like an emaciated school girl in Jeffery Campbell Litas (get help!), Jameson did us all a favour and secured the final nail on this coffin. Now, don’t get me wrong- I love a comfortable chunky heel as much as the next girl, but suddenly Litas look as stale as Jenna’s dried-up coochie. I’m ready to retire this look, you?

Jenna in Litas

Read It Now: An Object of Beauty

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Besides trawling the internet for highly sophisticated music videos (exhibit A, below…) there’s a more respectable daily habit I indulge in: reading! So, when I heard that Amy Adams was set to produce and star in the book I’d just finished- An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin, I had to share. This is a great read! Steve Martin (yes, the Steve Martin) is not only a gifted comedian, but a talented novelist.

An Object of Beauty tells the story of Lacey Yeager, a budding art dealer who gets her start at Sotheby’s in the mid-’90s. Lacey’s questionable morals and unmatched ambition take her from Manhattan to Russia and beyond throughout the course of career, as she sleeps her way up the corporate ladder, whilst attempting to make her mark on the NYC art world. It’s clear Martin is highly versed in all elements of art. Not only is this book clever and entertaining, but consider it a crash-course in Who’s-Who of artists, from Cezanne to de Kooning to Pollack, with specific reference to each artistic style, accompanied with photos of the pieces for us ‘ignat folks who need them! A smart and charming read.

An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin

Not a Day Over 45: Lindsay Lohan “Poses” for Terry Richardson

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Photos from Lindsay Lohan’s ”photo shoot” by top creep Terry Richardson have been leaked. The spread was done at Lohan’s temporary home base at her Chateau Marmot suite. To call this a fashion shoot is a stretch.

 We all know that Lindsay left the door open a crack for Uncle Terry (she calls all her John’s “Uncle”…) who simply snapped away while she attempted to make herself look decent. The whole thing just reeks of truck stop desperation. The Lolita-esque heart-shaped sunnies aren’t adding to her long-gone innocence. You almost expect to see a heart-shaped tub in the corner, with a dish of full of shiny quarters to pop into the motorized bed when Terry turns on the video camera.

The sad part is, this is her reality!

 
 
 

lohan

 
 

lohan

 
 

lohan

 

Come and Take a Walk on the Wild Side: Changing Your Look for 2012

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“Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain…you like your girls insane.”

I cannot get this song and memorizing video by Lana Del Rey out of my head. Her cascading strawberry blonde locks and Snow Queen vibe are completely hypnotizing.
I don’t know about you, but every January I get the urge to drastically change my look. Last January I found myself in the salon chair with a 10 inch ponytail in my lap. After a complete meltdown in the salon washroom (stub ponytail, reminiscent of a 12 year old boy with a hat on, completely exposed neck…) I grew to like my bob. This year I’ll leave the length, but possibly play with fire to achieve Lana’s strawberry blonde hue.

What about you? In the spirit of starting anew for the New Year, do you have the urge to shake up your look? Who’s inspiring you for 2012? Let me know!

Truth or Dare by Madonna: Smells like Money

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Artwork used for Madonna’s new fragrance Truth or Dare was released this week and if it looks oddly familiar, it’s because it is. The shot isn’t new- it was taken back in 2010 for an editorial for Interview Magazine.

Truth? The photo could have been taken back in 1989, given the heavy-handed use of Photoshop. Dare? I dare the photographer to deliver the un-retouched image of this shot before any line or pucker was effectively erased from Madge’s face.

Even though my side-eye in fully narrowed,  it’s nearly impossible to throw shade on the old gal- she looks absolutely amazing. I don’t know who’s virgin blood she’s been sipping lately, (oh wait…) but Madge’s return back to her best look Erotica look certainly smells like money.

It appears Her Majesty is set for world domination for 2012. In addition to the fragrance, her trademarked expression ”Truth or Dare” is poised to become a lifestyle branding vehicle, with apparel and footwear to join the mix in upcoming months. If the fragrance bottle is any indication of the direction the brand will go, it appears likely that Madonna will rely heavily (or even outright copy) on the advice of her stylish famous friends. Doesn’t the Truth or Dare bottle look strikingly similar to Stella McCartney’s Stella fragrance? I cannot wait to see this brand develop in 2012.

Madonna- Truth of Dare

Madonna Truth or Dare Fragrance

 
Stella McCartney- Stella
 
 

Stella McCartney- Stella

Mickey Rourke Whispers Sweet Nothings to Modern Man “I Think Most Actresses are Cunts With a Capital K”

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Mickey

My favorite piece of Hollywood man gristle, Mickey Rourke, recently spoke with Modern Man and in typical fashion, didn’t hold back. Say what you may about Mickey’s opinions (he couldn’t give two shits anyway…) but there’s something refreshing about a man who rocks ladies sunnies, hair extensions, advocates bare midriff and lip filler, yet still oozes enough testosterone to pull a 24 year model-type. Read on for the best bits from this Modern Man exclusive.

You visited a Russian prison to prepare for your role in Iron Man 2. How did you prepare to play an ancient Greek Titan king for Immortals?
I showed up. The director spent three years working on the overall look of the film and that really helped. They paid me a lot of money for a few days of work so I was happy to go. It’s just a shame I didn’t get to work with the hot blond chick, Isabel Lucas. I also loved Frieda Pinto, but she has a boyfriend. She’s a really nice person and I have great respect for her as an actress — and I think most actresses are cunts with a capital K.

So … you had fun on the film?
I am just grateful for any role I have — every day I say, “God, let me not be late for work, so I’m not out of work another 13 years.” When you are out of work that long, your whole life changes; it’s a humiliating, shameful experience. I don’t know if you ever get over it. Hopefully, I can keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to go back to that lonely, dark place. This fucking town is built on envy. They can’t wait to [he raises his middle finger] to your ass.

You can come across both as very sensitive and easygoing and as tough and a little scary. What’s the truth?
You’ll have to ask my doctor. I can’t answer that.