FAT FREE FASHION

“A Woman’s Hairstyle Must Reflect Her Husband’s Wishes”: Michelle Duggar Drags Women Everywhere Back 100 Years in a Single Sentence.

fatfreefashion — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:50:04 +0000

Michelle Duggar, human baby dispenser and firm believer of the saying “The Higher the Hair, the Closer to God“, is a lady who aims to please. On the season premiere of 19 Kids and Counting, Michelle speaks at a conference to share her tips on how to be a good Christian wife. Michelle’s wife bible, entitled “Seven Basic Needs Of A Husband” is distributed to the group, and is now posted online.

“A WOMAN’S HAIRSTYLE MUST REFLECT HER HUSBAND’S WISHES”

Unless that man wants to shell out for weekly dye jobs to achieve Gwen Stefani’s platinum perfection, that shit ain’t happening! Michelle, this is NOT the look! Jim Bob is tricking you, woman! He clearly keeping you low, as the only man who would look twice are either toothless, illiterate or inbred.

In addition to this subservient gold, Michelle dishes out other sound advice for the wife whose ultimate goal in life is to please her man’s every needs, 24-7.

Michelle Duggar

A WIFE SHOULD DRESS TO PLEASE HER HUSBAND.

I shudder at this one. Left to their own devices, most men would grab a handful of t-shirts at Mark’s Work Warehouse and be done with it. In Michelle’s case, I’m not sure why she bothers dressing at all. She’s basically been horizontal and bottomless for majority of her adult life, which makes Jim Bob’s fashion picks for her pretty easy anyway.

REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKES, HE ENJOYS SEEING OFTEN.

I enjoy seeing two round trip tickets to London, with an all-expenses-paid stay at The Savoy, and I enjoy seeing it often. Is that too much to ask, dear husband?!

ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO DEFINE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES. AFTER APPEALING, FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE BENEFITS, WHATEVER HAPPENS.

Even if you’re blindfolded. Even if you’re bound to the bed with handcuffs. Even if you are only uncuffed to prepare dinner and clean the toilets. Focus on the positives, ladies! In the wonderful, albeit brief, jaunt to the kitchen, there will plenty of time to stare desperately out the window and attempt to make eye contact with a passerby. See? There’s always an upside to slavery!

BUILD APPRECIATION FOR YOUR HUSBAND’S MOTIVES, EVEN IF HIS IDEAS ARE WRONG.

WIFE: ”Honey, I really don’t think it’s wise to blow through our entire life savings on a 5 day liquor and whore binge in Atlantic City”.

HUSBAND (a.k.a Pimp): Shut UP, bitch! Me husband-man. Me not dumb-dumb.

Now, I respect Michelle’s right to religious freedom. America is a free country and Michelle can please her Jim Bob anyway that she sees fit. However, as modern, self-sufficient woman, I can’t help but to frown at her subservient attitude. It’s clear she really believes this code of moral ethics. But really, to be frank, it’s not like she has a choice. 19 Kids and Counting, people! Stealing away in the dead of night in the family minivan isn’t really an option at this point.

Click below for Michelle’s 10 Commandments (Of Subservient Slavery)

http://www.southheightsbaptist.com/mp3/CliffPalmer/7BasicNeeds_Husband.pdf

Barbie Gets Dismembered for Art: Margaux Lange’s Plastic Body Series

fatfreefashion — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:19:52 +0000

Margaux Lange- Barbie

Whilst cruising Yatzer’s Top 50 Posts for 2011, I discovered Margaux Lange, a New York born jewelery designer who clearly has a thing for dolls. Barbies, to be specific, and the results are amazing! How cool is that hand bracelet? Really original stuff.

”Margaux Lange’s Plastic Body Series art jewelry collection utilizes salvaged Barbie doll parts in combination with sterling silver and pigmented resins. The series is a result of Lange’s desire to re-purpose mass-produced materials into handmade, wearable art. It is meant to examine and celebrate her own as well as pop culture’s relationship with the icon known simply as: Barbie. ”

Margaux Lange-Barbie

Margaux Lange

A Red-Hot Ode to Gingers: Happy Valentines Day!

fatfreefashion — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 23:21:44 +0000

On this day for lovers, I have a burning confession to make: I adore Ginger men!Unfortunately it’s become almost accepted to rag on Gingers, and they often become the butt (and crotch) of many a joke. But like a sober Lindsay Lohan, they’re a rarity in this world, and therefore should cherished for their exclusivity.

As a flame-haired friend likes to remind me (after ironically stating that she would never date a Ginger…ahem!) redheaded men are now being rejected as sperm donors at the world’s largest sperm bank, Cyros International. Gingers are on their way to extinction! It’s been reported that less than two percent of the world’s population have natural red hair. Add globalization to the equation, and the chances of two redheads finding love is drastically reduced.

In honour of their inevitable demise, I present thee my Top 3 Red-Hot Ginger Picks. It should be said though, startlingly, after wracking my brain for a 4th addition to this list, I couldn’t seem to produce another famous, good-looking redheaded man! Does this mean Hollywood is subtly discriminating against them, or are they simple all holed-up in Scotland, waiting for their discovery as the hottest men on earth??!! Let’s discuss.

Pull the Alarm

Eddie Redmayne

Eddie

Code Red

Paul Bettany

Fire! Fire! Fire! His Royal Hotness

Prince Harry

His Royal Hotness

Harry

The Drop Waist Dress: Stop, Drop and Roll Out (With Caution)

fatfreefashion — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 00:33:09 +0000

There’s something to flap about for 2012: The Drop Waist Dress. A long-standing favorite of French Cherie everywhere (Audrey Tatou, Vanessa Paradis), this retro style is back for another round.

Deciding whether to rock the drop waist dress is a bit like playing with fire, as it’s all about the cut. Designer pieces tend to be more flattering, as the denier is higher, resulting in a more streamlined drape. (Armani, below). Any tummy bulge is effectively disguised, making this cut a top pick. A drop waist on a knock off (Zara, below) has the capability to transform even the leanest figure into a sausage, with the awkward front seaming highlighting even the slightest Diet Coke bloat. The drop waist dress is a classic cut, and its quirky retro flair will never go out of style. If you love this dress, invest in a quality piece.

Runway

Giorgio Armani, Pre-Fall: Drop-waist

Philosophy, Pre-Fall 2012, Dropwaist

Realway

Zara, $49

Grammy 2012 Red Carpet Style: Demure vs. Peekaboo-Ho Dress

fatfreefashion — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 01:47:27 +0000

Watching the Grammy 2012 red carpet, it was clear the ladies were split down the middle on fashion picks. Prominent styles included demure, long-sleeved, bejewelled dresses and it’s fun cousin, the Peekaboo-Ho Dress. Both dresses have a similar sheath cut, but the Peekaboo-Ho is straight to the point. This is the Grammys people, talk it cheap!

Demure

Carrie Underwood

Adele

Katy Perry

Peekaboo-Ho

Fergie

Seriously? Fergie tragically missed the mark with the lace peekaboo trend. The massive granny panties on display aren’t helping the situation either. Eeesh.

Fergie

Rihanna

The plunging chest, the thigh slit and the armband…expect a new Twitter follower in Doug Hutchinson tonight, RiRi.

Rihanna

Be Gone! Lita Platforms

fatfreefashion — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:23:59 +0000

Be Gone! Litas

When Jenna Jameson hops on-board a trend, you know it is on its way out. Recently spotted looking like an emaciated school girl in Jeffery Campbell Litas (get help!), Jameson did us all a favour and secured the final nail on this coffin. Now, don’t get me wrong- I love a comfortable chunky heel as much as the next girl, but suddenly Litas look as stale as Jenna’s dried-up coochie. I’m ready to retire this look, you?

Jenna in Litas

Read It Now: An Object of Beauty

fatfreefashion — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 03:03:13 +0000

Besides trawling the internet for highly sophisticated music videos (exhibit A, below…) there’s a more respectable daily habit I indulge in: reading! So, when I heard that Amy Adams was set to produce and star in the book I’d just finished- An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin, I had to share. This is a great read! Steve Martin (yes, the Steve Martin) is not only a gifted comedian, but a talented novelist.

An Object of Beauty tells the story of Lacey Yeager, a budding art dealer who gets her start at Sotheby’s in the mid-’90s. Lacey’s questionable morals and unmatched ambition take her from Manhattan to Russia and beyond throughout the course of career, as she sleeps her way up the corporate ladder, whilst attempting to make her mark on the NYC art world. It’s clear Martin is highly versed in all elements of art. Not only is this book clever and entertaining, but consider it a crash-course in Who’s-Who of artists, from Cezanne to de Kooning to Pollack, with specific reference to each artistic style, accompanied with photos of the pieces for us ‘ignat folks who need them! A smart and charming read.

An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin

Too Much Heaven: Elvis Crespo’s Suavemente Video

fatfreefashion — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 02:57:24 +0000

After a few bevies, we all hit the floor feeling like seasoned pros to dance to the club classic Suavemente, but have you ever seen the video? While having a little dance party in my chair today at work, I stumbled upon this hilarious piece of video gold. It’s like stepping into an early 90s dance party! Satin shirts, low ponytails, plastic pants, Chola-style lipstick, bralets, Matrix style sunglasses…there’s too much heaven in this video to simply describe.
The heavy reliance on a green screen to create the beach paradise shots are completely unexplainable…why not head to the actual beach?! Pure magic.

The Pep Squad: Peplum Tops

fatfreefashion — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:24:36 +0000

Spotted all over the runway for Spring 2012 (Celine, Jason Wu, Dries), put some adorable pep in your step with a flippy peplum top. Team with a pencil skirt or cigarette pants for the office, or shorts and ankle strap heels for drinks out, for a flirty, feminine and fun look.

Styling Tip: The peplum IS the look. With this piece, it’s all about porportions. Skip the statement necklace and let the top take centre stage for ultimate impact.

Runway: Jason Wu, Spring 2012

Jason Wu Spring 2012

Jason Wu

Realway

Zara Lace Peplum $59.90

JCrew Peplum

Not a Day Over 45: Lindsay Lohan “Poses” for Terry Richardson

fatfreefashion — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:46:57 +0000

Photos from Lindsay Lohan’s ”photo shoot” by top creep Terry Richardson have been leaked. The spread was done at Lohan’s temporary home base at her Chateau Marmot suite. To call this a fashion shoot is a stretch.

We all know that Lindsay left the door open a crack for Uncle Terry (she calls all her John’s “Uncle”…) who simply snapped away while she attempted to make herself look decent. The whole thing just reeks of truck stop desperation. The Lolita-esque heart-shaped sunnies aren’t adding to her long-gone innocence. You almost expect to see a heart-shaped tub in the corner, with a dish of full of shiny quarters to pop into the motorized bed when Terry turns on the video camera.

The sad part is, this is her reality!

lohan