Christina's Bloody Good Tribute to Legend Etta James

There’s something to be said about dressing the part. Although black is traditionally associated with funerals, so are shirts. And panties. And dignity. Although a funeral isn’t typically a clothing-optional event, trailblazer Xtina paved the way with modest cleavage, glamming it up with the holy touch of rosary beads. Classy and refined elegance. Kate, take note.

As Christina stepped out on stage to performance James’ classic “At Last”, it was clear to see her creative juices were flowing at an all-time high (amongst other things…) as a mysterious reddish substance dripped down her bare leg. Flexing her pelvis muscles to the maximum to hit those high notes, it is obvious that otherworldly powers are at play here. In true diva fashion, this could only be considered Etta’s little wink down from the heavens to remind us that nobody should ever attempt to over-sing one of her classics. Christina, bloody good show.

“Jealous tricks- suck a tit, get a pap smear with an oven mitt- BITCH!”. Who knew little Summer Roberts had it in her? I’m in love.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d31d8fc05d/call-me-doctor-with-rachel-bilson?rel=player

Faux Glow: Tanning beds are so passe. Over time, tanning breaks down the elasticity of your skin, creating a host of additional problems (cellulite, broken capillaries, age spots). If you simply can’t stand the thought of hitting the beach without a glow, go faux with a spray tan.

Apply SPF: As tempting as it is to escape the winter doldrums with gusto, hitting the beach on Day 1 slicked with Hawaiian Tropic Oil is not wise- unless you like your Canadian bacon extra crispy, swathed in layers of gauze.

Pedi those Piggies: Nobody wants to see your narst, scraggly yellow toe nails. Hit the salon for a $20 pedicure, and please, for the love of God, no toenails should extend over the skin. Painted or not, long toenails are straight up disgusting.

Indulge and Enjoy: Hit the beach bar and buffet with reckless abandon- you’re here for a good time, not a long time! Woooooooooooooooo!!

I cannot get this song and memorizing video by Lana Del Rey out of my head. Her cascading strawberry blonde locks and Snow Queen vibe are completely hypnotizing.
I don’t know about you, but every January I get the urge to drastically change my look. Last January I found myself in the salon chair with a 10 inch ponytail in my lap. After a complete meltdown in the salon washroom (stub ponytail, reminiscent of a 12 year old boy with a hat on, completely exposed neck…) I grew to like my bob. This year I’ll leave the length, but possibly play with fire to achieve Lana’s strawberry blonde hue.

What about you? In the spirit of starting anew for the New Year, do you have the urge to shake up your look? Who’s inspiring you for 2012? Let me know!

1. Take stock of your relationships. Realize that no matter how much you give, it will never be recognized or good enough for certain people. That’s ok! Not everyone has to like you. Life can be harsh, this much is true. But there are plenty of humans out there to discover. Go find them! Be bold and make the first move, as most people aren’t. Above all, be yourself at all times. I wear one hat, and it suits me perfectly for every occasion.

2. Enjoy life as it comes, as it only comes around once.

3. Find a funny friend and never let go. Priceless.

4. Diets don’t work. The math is simple. Shovel shit into your body= expect to look like shit. Own it. It you can’t accept it, change it. Simple and plain.

5. Dream big and write it down. List mini-goals to achieve the big picture. Strive to complete one task each day. Stroke it off the list. Pat yourself on the back, then add another task to the bottom of that list. Life is a journey. It’s ok to idle for 5 minutes, but don’t run out of gas parked in one place. Gotta keep it moving, on to the next one!

Happy New Year! xo FFF

Alex Clare, Damn Your Eyes

Truth? The photo could have been taken back in 1989, given the heavy-handed use of Photoshop. Dare? I dare the photographer to deliver the un-retouched image of this shot before any line or pucker was effectively erased from Madge’s face.

Even though my side-eye in fully narrowed,  it’s nearly impossible to throw shade on the old gal- she looks absolutely amazing. I don’t know who’s virgin blood she’s been sipping lately, (oh wait…) but Madge’s return back to her best look Erotica look certainly smells like money.

It appears Her Majesty is set for world domination for 2012. In addition to the fragrance, her trademarked expression ”Truth or Dare” is poised to become a lifestyle branding vehicle, with apparel and footwear to join the mix in upcoming months. If the fragrance bottle is any indication of the direction the brand will go, it appears likely that Madonna will rely heavily (or even outright copy) on the advice of her stylish famous friends. Doesn’t the Truth or Dare bottle look strikingly similar to Stella McCartney’s Stella fragrance? I cannot wait to see this brand develop in 2012.

Madonna- Truth of Dare

Madonna Truth or Dare Fragrance

Stella McCartney- Stella

Andrej Pejic

This past week, Dutch lingerie firm Hema defied tradition by selecting male model Andrej Pejic as the body for its new push-up bra campaign. That being said, Pejic is no ordinary man. Plucked, waxed, groomed and self-admittingly whittled down to miniscule proportions (25 inch waist, ladies), Pejic has taking the industry by storm this year, gender-bending for Jean Paul Gaultier’s Paris show and looking every inch the desirable woman- clothed. Key point. Clothed. While, nobody can deny Pejic has an unbeatable physique for the catwalk, modeling lingerie is an endeavour that even the most gorgeous man will likely come out on top. 

Why? There’s nothing to see here folks! The man is fully clothed. There is absolutely no clevage in view- a sorry sight for a push-up bra campaign.

Who knows what’s going on under that dress. I’d say a whole lotta chicken cutlets and double-sided tape. That’s not to say that Pejic isn’t stunningly beautiful person. He is, portrayed as a man or a woman. However, flexin’ pecs in a bra (which isn’t even on view) is unlikely convince woman to buy the bra. Would Victoria’s Secret have the same success if Adriana was stretched out in the sand in her bathrobe? Highly unlikely. However, kudos to the Hema marketing team who created amazing brand awareness in a matter of weeks.